bomb-shell

chasing cars

2010-12-29T02:04:00.002+08:00

how do i stress this upon you?

i know im not wasting my time getting back together with you, but you dont seem to understand me as well as i thought you do.
how do i even pen this all down?

everything is just a blur, and thoughts in my head, they're in a mess.
you dont understand that in a relationship, both parties give and take.
not everything can be done your way.
sometimes i dont agree to your ways and i just want you to be able to give in and make me happy. because i would do anything for you in a heartbeat.

but then again, maybe thats where im going wrong.

i have my own views too on how a relationship should work.
and sometimes, i just wish you would hear me out and give in to my own ideas of how a relationship functions..

but no, you always think you're right and wont listen to anything i say about us.
well guess what, you might not always be right.

oh godddddddd im so damn confused right now(again).

for gods sakes, im just like another other girl who wants normal things in a freaking relationship!
but even that, i cant have.

why?
why am i so different?

i wish you could understand me....

sucks

2010-12-27T01:36:00.002+08:00

this is getting out of hand.
ive been eating every single day.

i need and have to starve again, go to hell with the consequences.

i want to be skinny.

xoxo,
luby

lovely

2010-11-04T01:01:00.003+08:00

today was a nice suprise.
never expected it, AT ALL.

so he told me he was gonna pick me up at my place, and at first i thought it was weird cos why would he want to take a bus when i could actually use the car, right?

so i waited for him and suprise! he got his license.
finally.

so happy for him, finally after 3 practical tests, he got his license. :):)

have a safe trip later!

xoxo,
luby

trick or treat?

2010-10-28T00:52:00.003+08:00

so a few weeks back, i went to halloween horrors at night safari with my cousins and their friends. (omg i feel like im writing a composition) but ok ANYWAY right(omg u notice not that i have TONS of anyway in my blogposts? k back to my topic..) i think everyone should go at least once!

anyway(see, anyway again) im kinda bummed that i cant go halloween-ing with my bffs this weekend. i have a freakin chalet to attend! and speaking of which, i have like TONS(shit i can forsee 'tons' becoming my next 'IT' word in my blog) of chalet invitations for the next few months. sigh...i know right, im too popular. HAHAHAHA k joking ah(actually not really)(actually yeah i am) (GOD LUBNA STOP TYPING DOWN EVERYTHING THAT UR THINKING!!)

but i cant help it..

great now im just talking to myself.

i'll just upload pictures la ok? easier for me and my little mind.

omg what if i have a freaking split personality or something..i just read about it in a magazine yesterday!

pictures from halloween horrors:

love my horns! ha.haha.hahahhaa. im pretty funny.

i just really wanna show my horns off. HAH. funny lubna!!

my face doesnt show it, but i was SUPER excited when we went in this place. so..leopard-y!(although its zebra prints)

your father. yeah, urs.

ma hornsssssssssssss

the ghost that was supposedly making moaning sounds.

god cant believe im doing this so late at night alone downstairs in my living room!

believe it or not, the young girl at the bottom left of the picture is jihaan, my sister.

LOL at luthfi

all 12 of us.

maciam farah. *runs away*

omg sia WTH was i doing sia?!?!?

lol mir looks like a ghost himself.

people wanna kill her also she can still smile so wide!

ive resized the pictures, but if they somehow dont turn out right, as in too big, then NOT MY FAULT AH.
okay thats it my fingers are getting tired already!
and i wanna go check freaking facebook.
goodmight everybody!

goodmight= goodnight+goodmorning.
cute right, i know.

xoxo,
luby

2010-10-26T01:24:00.004+08:00

Every girl has 3 guys in her life.
The one she loves,
the one she hates,
and the one she cant live without.
And in the end,
they're all the same guy.

I know who's mine.
Do you?

xoxo,
luby

why, hello there.

2010-10-18T02:03:00.003+08:00

im really in no mood to blog but i feel kinda guilty what with the lack of posts and all...so here i am.
anyway i had my graduation ceremony 2 days back!

AND BTW, it was so frustrating for me cos i actually thought u couldnt wear heels...but noooo actually u COULD. and oh guess what? many people didnt exactly follow the attire rules..BUT I DID AND I ENDED UP LOOKING LIKE A WAITRESS. GOD. THE HORROR OF IT ALL!

but either way, here are the pictures!

this is wenbin, my classmate since last year! we werent really close last yr, but THIS YEAR, we've been exceptionally close. in short, he's my MDIS boyfriend.

my two best boys in school!

kelly and me

the coolest lecturer around!

see i TOLD ya'll he's my boyfriend.

i have so many things to blog about actually, but....i cant possibly put it all down here cos...CERTAIN people might read it. aiya so leceh you know. but nvm, if u guys kepo wanna know COME BE MY BEST FRIEND. i tell them everything. EVERYTHING. every single detail.
i even tell them when i...okay nevermind. some things are better left unsaid =p

it feels ...strange. not as in strange strange kinda strange but just, strange. i mean, we've not been in contact for quite a while but then now we've started talking again and yeah we have met once or twice and it feels..strange. and thats not a bad thing, i think. i mean, i dont see him as a stranger. he will never be a stranger to me, but it just feels strange. im sure people who used to read my old blog know who im talking about.

my head is like...totally clouded with all these negative thoughts which i SHOULD NOT be having but i just cant help it. i can be such a pessimist sometimes. why do i allow myself to be hurt by all these thoughts? why am i doing this to myself?
oh godddddd help me through this predicament that im in.

its 2.30. i SHOULD be sleeping, but im not. i have such an unhealthy habit of sleeping at 5am everynight! would i still even call it night? i wish my body clock would return back to normal, but that would mean waking up at...11am. and that sucks cos that means i would have more time awake, which in turn would mean more time just....wasting time. see? i AM in a predicament.

why dont i sound bitchy anymore in my blog nowadays?
HAVE I LOST MY...blogging ability to bitch? or is it..my bitching ability to blog?
AHH either way, i know whats being a bitch right now.
my MSN.

xoxo,
luby

nothing feels right when im not with you

2010-10-08T02:15:00.002+08:00

if my life was how it was back then, everything would be so easy...
i miss it.

where are you?

2010-09-27T00:54:00.004+08:00

i shall upload more raya pics soon.
but for now, i have something really important to talk about.

so, ok uhm, how do i start?

okay i think i shall just write down whatever that comes to my head, so pardon me if the story gets a little...sidetracked.

and whatever that is written down here is nothing but the absolute truth.

so i have a confession to make. well, it might not be a big of a deal to some, but it is to me.
but for the past...2 weeks, ive been in contact with a guy, who already has a girlfriend. oh dont get me wrong, i didnt know he has a girlfriend till i found out through facebook.
so, my obvious reaction was to confront him about it and lose all contact immediately.
and that was what i did.
well, i tried.

yes, so he fessed up about having a girlfriend, but, as usual, he also told me that his relationship with his girlfriend was really unsteady. you know, the usual 'oh-i-dont-have-feelings-for-her-anymore-and-i-really-want-to-get-to-know-you" bullcrap. and i bought it. i actually bought it.
god lub how dumb can you be sometimes.

so anyway, we continued talking and yes, i admit there was some flirting going on as well. but the weird thing is, i dont have feelings for him. at all.
i think the reason why i continued talking to him was because he gave me the attention that i wanted. i know that sounds really shallow and superficial, but then again, who doesnt want attention? no, who doesnt NEED attention? come on, we all crave a little attention every once in a while,yes?

oh, dont i feel guilty? HELL YES i did. each time we talked i made sure i would fit in the topic of his girlfriend in. i even told him to work things out with his girlfriend, cos i told him he would regret it if he really breaks up with her.
but yes, we still continued talking each night.

then today, i finally caught up with a girl friend of mine whom i havent met in MONTHS. so, we were talking and stuff and i told her all about this guy with the girlfriend. turns out, SHE went through the same thing before, but of course with a different guy la. and she just told me to stop everything completely, before it gets out of hand. so we talked and talked and talked and i realised, no, im not that kinda girl who goes around breaking relationships.

im not gonna lie, but i have friends who have been cheated on by their partners and its really heartbreaking to see them having to go through such shit in their lives. maybe other girls can do it, but i cant. im not like them. i dont want to be the cause of a broken relationship.

so...in a few minutes time im going to call him and let him know that we should stop all the talking and that he should just concentrate on working things out with his girlfriend.
omg i sound like some aunt agony giving people advice and all hehe but I AM SERIOUS OK PLEASE.

sidenote: and to you, where are you? please hurry and stop your games. i miss you.

xoxo,
luby

waliao

2010-09-14T01:15:00.001+08:00

oh shit.

i miss you. i really, miss you.

shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit nooooo this canNOT happen.

xoxo,
luby

iqah where are u

2010-09-02T02:10:00.002+08:00

WALIAOOOOOOOOO im so damn bored la omg .
actually right, i think i should be sleeping. but i dont want to sleep cos i dont feel like it!! although i AM pretty sleepy...

anyway its 2.10am and im in a really goofy-nonsense-idiotic mood suddenly, and i swear ive been talking nonsense for the past 10 minutes!! godd i really am so bored....
sigh see, must find boyfriend already la like this.
wah SIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN u know, my eyelids are like shutting but I STILL DONT WANT TO SLEEEEEEEEEEP eh why ah im like this?
omg my hands are like possessed i cant stop typing and i dont know what im typing exactly but it wont stop it just keeps going and going and going and ya pls maybe i should just get married EH WAHLAO CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST ASK ME TO MARRY HIM ok wah im so tired yet still can type so much yeah i know omg im so sleepy shit la i dont want to walk up the stairs to my room very leceh u know, very SIAN u know yah i know its very sian wah i think i talk like an ahbeng ah when im sleepy hmmm i feel my eyes getting longer yeah people keep telling me that my eyes get longer when im sleepy so damn weird one lor wahlao shuld i go sleep ya maybe i shuld k lor bye ah i want to sleep wait actually no like quite fun eh type like this k la bye ah.

to wax, or not to wax

2010-08-31T01:13:00.003+08:00

i know i know, my song is damn awesome right!
im so in love with it, its like so....funky. (omg i used the word funky).
and it reminds me of charlie chaplin.
and speaking of which, i saw someone today who has a moustache like charlie chaplin at...TANJONG KATONG COMPLEX. of all places to bump into a charlie chaplin lookalike.
okay so he doesnt exactly look like charlie chaplin but like he totally has the same moustache as him, or maybe even smaller in length but like...okay forget it.

ANYWAY.

i think i wanna try leg waxing. either my arms or legs.
i cant do all! I CANT HANDLE TOO MUCH PAIN IN ONE DAY!!

so i was talking to tutty about this waxing thingy and she told me that i should stop shaving my arms and legs and instead try waxing at this spa she works at. it costs about 36 bucks i think for the legs. im not sure if thats pricey or not, cos ive never done waxing before.
i really wantttttt to do it but im so goddamn scared! i know i will scream like crazy and it will be so PAISEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OMG.

i could also just buy the normal waxing strips and do it at home. WHICH btw, ive tried but it doesnt really work for me cos i didnt do it properly. there were more screaming even BEFORE i took the strips out.
and worse of all, it was my 15 yr old sister, (whom, btw, if you see her, you wouldnt think for a second that she knows anything about self-grooming) that taught me how to wax my legs.

i think this conversation that i had with her would explain my experience at waxing for the first time.

the conversation was in, of course, malay but ive translated everything into english for easier reading! lol

me: *talking to myself* shit i dont know how to use this thing!
jihaan(my sis): nvm i know..i use before.
me: HUH? YOU use before? is it painful?
jihaan: long time already la. ok la, first time abit shocking and i shouted abit only. i tried it in the morning when everyone was asleep.
me: huh people sleep then u want to use? kk what do i do with this?
jihaan: just paste la!!

---after ten minutes of finding the perfect spot to paste the strip on---

me: oh shit im so scared to pull it off!!! can i just like peel it slowly?? i dont want it to be painful
jihaan: eh later no effect la if u peel it slowly. nvm i do for you.
danial(my bro): LUB I DO FOR YOU!!!
me: NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! MOVEE AWAY!!!! it will hurt even more if someone else peels it!!

---after five minutes of deciding if i should back out or not---

me: ok im gonna peel it off now..shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit
danial: eh why you so kental lubna? *laughs*
me: shit shit shit shit im so scared..

---- after another 5 minutes of everyone telling me to peel it of----

me: ok im gonna peel it now! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
jihaan: eh u havent even take it off!!
me: ya doing it now...*proceeds to peel wax strip off* ARGHHHHHHH SHITTTTTTTTTT!!!
me: eh how come like still the same??
jihaan: yalah, you didnt peel it off hard enough what, then shout so loud for nothing also.

SO YES people, that was how my first experience at waxing went.
can u just imagine HOW bad it would be if i did it at a shop? with someone ELSE peeling it off for me?
god the horror...

but i think im gonna do it...but i might need someone's arm for me to bite and pinch and scratch when it gets too painful!

OOOOO just realised tokio hotel is on mtv!!! gotta go watch my beloved tom kaulitz!
love ya'll!

xoxo,
luby

EH HALO

2010-08-30T01:12:00.002+08:00

a few days back, i was in the midst of posting an entry about how i felt at that point of time.

i was really down, i felt like everyone was just being unfair to me, and i felt as though life was seriously pointless. i know, im not usually all "OMG i hate my life!" but honest to god, i really felt as if i had enough of living, and i just wanted to leave everyone and everything behind. it felt like it was the ONLY option left, and that if i were to go, things would be soo much better cos i wouldnt have to deal with everything that has been going on in my life.

i care so much about the feelings of the people around me. i wouldnt want to hurt them intentionally with the words i say. thats why i think about what they might feel if i were to say something to them. but when it comes to me, people dont do that. they just say and do whatever they want to me without thinking how it might hurt me. yes, ive realised that im actually very vulnerable and i get hurt easily. why? why do people do that? do they really think i could take whatever they tell me? as cliche as this may sound, but i REALLY cant describe it.

its like....WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM. YOU COME TO ME TELLING ME ALL KINDS OF THINGS, THINKING I COULD DIGEST EVERYTHING YOU SAID? GOD IM ONLY FREAKING HUMAN. THINK ABOUT MY DAMN FEELINGS DAMMIT.

and im not only talking about one person, its A FEW. OMG SO GERAM.
i still dont feel relieved.
not everything is out yet. macam there's still things to say but i just cant be bothered already lah.

BYE.

breaking the rules

2010-08-23T02:17:00.001+08:00

"Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the fist time,
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter,
You are the best thing that's ever been mine"

xoxo,
luby

whats new?

2010-08-22T04:04:00.002+08:00

know what, im staying off boys for a while.
and, im serious this time.

xoxo,
luby

random

2010-08-21T01:40:00.002+08:00

well.
as you can see, ive been keeping myself busy for the past few days, hence the lack of posts.
i do have pictures though!
but...old ones. pictures dating back from last year, lol. but they deserve a place in my blog cos ive not been uploading pictures much and these are pictures that have NOT been in my blog before. so, yes.
but not tonight, im so tired lor.

ive said this so many times before, and i'll say it again. ive lost my blogging touch.
i used to be able to blog every single day! about..random things.
but of course, the random things that i used to blog about brought along MANY haters. HAH.
i remember at my old blog, i wrote about like ugly people and how only poor people go to discounted shops. HAHAH omg i was such a bitch.
yes, WAS.
i dont talk like that anymore.
well, not openly at least =p

and YES i do shop at discounted places. INFACT, i love it when my fav shopping outlets have sales ok! im a much nicer person now! honest!
seriously, i used to just blog about whatever that came to my mind.
at least now, i THINK first before typing everything out.

eh BTW about this yog thingy thats going on..WALIAOOOOOOOOOOOOO the male athletes DAMN HOT OR WHAT! i hope they go around singapore to like shop or something. shiok like that can see them in real life! so what if they're younger than me, they freaking look like they're THIRTY lor. (must exaggerate abit lor).
i can just imagine me and iqah squirming and giggling like little schoolgirls staring at them!

hmmm hopefully one super hot athlete from germany(tokio hotel FTW) comes along and asks for my number. then we would have this long-distance secret affair thing going on...omg so fun!!
OR we could actually end up getting married.
LAGI SHIOK.
my kids would look so damn adorable!
oh but yalah, he's younger.
boring.
*hopes dashed*

k anyway.

u guys should really go to this website!
http://www.badyearbookphotos.com
I SWEAR I COULDNT STOP LAUGHING!!
its fkingggggggggggggggggggggg funny.
here are a few pictures!

this is haidar in 2050 when she cant decide if she should have long or short hair.

this one no link but i think its hilarious!

this is aisyah when she doesnt wear her glasses. so prettyyyy

im just speechless.

gone case.

nadiah awie.

iqah's fling number 1. cos apparently she likes guys with thick lips. nak AMEK kau lips dia.

farah's fling number 1. no reason why. they both match.

this is iqah in 2020. she just looks like a freaking vampire.

iqah's fling number 2. looks like her type.

aisyah's fling number 1.

this is haidar when she was 7 years old.

this is also iqah. just look at all the things thats in her hair!

me and iqah. baking sisters!

farah's fling number 2.

aisyah's fling number 2. cos she likes ang mohs.

k give chance la. this one mine ok.

oh not forgetting...

who needs boys when we have each other?

xoxo,
luby

never again

2010-08-13T00:40:00.001+08:00

i really have nothing to say, except, now i know i cant turn to you.
at all.

xoxo,
luby

wrap your world around me

2010-08-12T01:58:00.001+08:00

"oh this life tried to keep us apart,
you keep calling me back to your heart."

PERFECT

2010-08-02T00:27:00.002+08:00

OMG.
i know the PERFECT song for my husband to sing to me at my wedding!!!!
i swear. its the PERFECT song ever.

Maher Zain - For The Rest Of My Life.

p.s: i think im having like a heat stroke or something, from eating too much cempedak earlier in the evening!

xoxo,
luby

SO LITTLE TIME

2010-08-01T02:46:00.003+08:00

here's a list of the places i want to go to.
so if any of you are going and would like to bring me along, OH PLEASE CALL ME.
dont worry, i can be fun to hang out with! =p
p.s: yes, my bffs, this is when u start calling me.

1) UNIVERSAL STUDIOS (notice this is at the top of the list)
2) ICE SKATING
3) ICE CREAM BUFFET AT ION
4) ZOO
5) SUSHI BUFFET
6) CAROUSEL DINNER BUFFET
7) RIDING ALL AROUND SINGAPORE (in a car)
8) CANDLELIGHT DINNER IN A CABLE CAR ( ya far i knw uve done this)
9) MOUNT FABER
10) HAW PAR VILLA
11) FISH N CO (for the record, i hate fish, but i rly wanna go to this place)

ok thats all i can think of right now.
haiya been wanting to do all of that but it just doesnt happennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
waliao u know, seriously waliaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

i know im talking crap right now. i think im just sleepy.
its 3am.
im sleepy as hell.
but i dont want to.
cos then i'll start thinking about things again.
and i dont want to.
so i dont want to sleep.
so i shall just carry on typing anything that comes to mind.
like marriage.

oh god why do i always think of marriage?
i wish i was like...23 or something.
and married. k maybe not married, but engaged.

why am i so into marriage ah? i dont understand.
maybe i just want, a stable relationship. i know, a marriage cant even guarantee a stable relationship sometimes.
but i just want to be married. and happy. and inlove.together with my kids(all 6 of them hehe).
hell if my husband wants more than 6, i'd be more than happy to reproduce! hah.

8 of us, a perfect family, beautiful mother, beautiful father, and 6 beautiful and wonderful children. all of us living in a farm away from the city. no stress, no worries. just us.

and our life would be so simple. every morning, i would wake my husband up to go to work at the farm with a soft kiss on the cheek. and our children would go to a school nearby. when they come back home from school, we would have lunch together and they would tell me stories that happened in school. and in the afternoons, i would bake cookies and pastries for them and feed them while watching them play. and when my husband comes back from work during the evening, we would all have dinner together as a family and share stories. then we would watch television together, and when its time for the kids to go to bed, i would tuck them in one by one, reading bedtime stories. and when they have all fallen asleep, well....you know how it goes down.
haha.

oh well.
im such a dreamer yes la i know.

ok im too sleepy alr. i should stop typing and get to bed.
but i cant.
i dont want to....=(

xoxo,
luby

BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT

2010-07-30T17:45:00.002+08:00

i cant wait for later.
no, i dont have any big plans or anything.

but i think i need this. some time by myself, calm myself down, and just focus on..myself.

im going to the beach, accompanied by macdonalds and my book. im looking forward to it actually, ive always wondered how people could actually just do that, but that sounds like a pretty good idea to me now.
i so need this.

OVER IT, AGAIN.

2010-07-28T13:21:00.002+08:00

i know, i make my mind up damn fast.
but, well, ive thought hard about it.
you dont matter, and you shouldnt matter anymore.
im done with you, with everything.
ive put up with it for so long, and its time i pick myself up and start living my life.

now, when i make my decisions, your opinion wont matter.
when i do something, i wont ask myself if you would like it.
i wont care.
i.wont.give.a.shit.about.what.you.think.

it would be hard adjusting to this major change that im all set to do, but i know im strong enough. i know i can.
i just need you to stop, messing with my head.
thats all.

xoxo,
luby

WHY?

2010-07-28T13:06:00.003+08:00

why?
exactly, why?
ive been asking this question alot lately(seems like i ask alot of questions eh).

why, are you always there?
why, do you keep staying?
why, do i allow myself to be swayed by your emotions and opinions?
why do i, keep coming back?

i mean, if its over, its over.
why is it that whenever im about to do something, i think about what you might say?
why do i always ask myself about what you would say and feel?
its wrong.
i want it to stop. so badly.
i dont want you to matter.

its ending, and im going to make it end.
p.s: stop listening to brian adams. ditto.

xoxo,
luby

SO SICK

2010-07-28T00:14:00.004+08:00

i have quite a few pictures to upload, but photobucket is being a bitch on me, so....yeah.

anyway, im currently reading this book called Quirkology by Richard Wiseman. Its realllllly good, its like psychology, but it doesnt just talk about how the mind works, its about navigating the oddities of human behaviour. For example, it involves researches on why different people wear a baseball cap a certain way and examined how many people it takes to start a Mexican wave. Stuff like that. Odd stuff. The little things we do which we think has no meaning, but in fact, has big truths behind them.
sidenote: im a firm believer of astrology, but this book completely dashed my belief lor!!! waliaaaaaaaaaaao.

anyway, im getting sick again. like literally sick. im having a 'bout of fluuuuuuuuu and a pretty bad cough. sigh. must be because of the rain. havent been bringing my umbrella out that much these past few days...hence the flu. i think.
so boring. no one to complain to!! =(

sidenote: btw ah, why do people get sick after being caught in the rain? i seriously dont get it. i mean, its just water right? and it cant be dirty since its like...from the sky? isnt the sky supposed to be all natural and pure and stuff(i think hor)?
hmmmmmmmmmm i sense a massive google search coming up!

xoxo,
luby

WHO AM I, REALLY?

2010-07-26T00:07:00.004+08:00

who am i?
thats one question ive been asking myself repeatedly for the past few days. as i lay on my bed and ponder about my true personality, i just cant come up with an attitude that fits me.
i cant find, my character.

and that's sad. your character is what defines you, and is your make-up. It makes people accept you for who you are, and love you for what you are. And to think that i might have everything that i could possibly ask for, im not happy. I just dont know who i am.

i conform myself to someone im not when im with different people. i become someone im not, desperately trying to fit in, to feel accepted, and to feel wanted.
i think it has reached to a point where i cant be myself, because i dont know how to "be myself".
and its affecting me so bad, because im not sure of how to react to situations with people.

and i want to know who i am as a person. but how do i go about doing it?
do i ask around? do i take time off from everyone and just let myself be?
but if i do the latter, wouldnt it be worse, as i would have zero interactions with people?
im not always this confused, or complicated, but because of the past few events that have taken place in my life recently, it finally triggered a thought in my head. and made me question myself with questions i would have otherwise shrug off.

"why am i behaving this way towards him?"
"why didnt i do what i wanted to?"
"why am i talking to you this way?"
why, why, why.
all questions, unanswered.

what i want, i dont know too.
am i creating problems for myself?
or am i just creating an illusion of a problem?
i complicate myself.

sometimes i wish i could be carefree and not think too much.
but i cant.
or maybe i just dream too much.
dreaming about things that affect my way of thinking.
maybe thats it.

but im just a normal human being. i make mistakes.
i make mistakes, i will make mistakes, and i will keep on making mistakes till i die.
its inevitable.
sometimes i will be rude to you, and i will act on impulse and say things that hurt you.
sometimes i will do things that im unaware of. sometimes i will not be there for you. sometimes i cant. sometimes i get confused. sometimes i throw tantrums. sometimes i get angry, sometimes im childish..
but again...im just a normal human being.
and what i do know, is that when i love, i love whole-heartedly.
i love romance, and everything associated with it.
i love to love, and be loved.

but why do people expect so much from me?
i cant always give whatever they want, there's only so much i can give...
im not perfect....im just not perfect...

goddammit just who the hell am i?
i could just break down right at this moment, thinking about how lost i am.

perhaps...i dont even mean whatever that ive said in this post. perhaps i just want attention, wanting people to look out for me, to ask me if im okay, if im alright.
i dont know...i really dont know...

im just....not perfect.

xoxo,
luby

EXCUSE ME, MISS

2010-07-21T17:26:00.003+08:00

i miss my blog.
i miss my blog, and everything that comes along with it.

i think i shall start blogging again, and revamp everything.
p.s: revamp not as in destroy the current template and start over, but as in, i dont know, the morale of the blog or something. haha. liven it up a lil bit.
and oh yes, start uploading pictures.

but for now, gotta make do with just words. ive been going out alot lately, no, make that everyday, and i didnt even take a single picture! okay maybe once, to a primary school reunion kinda thing. and i dont even look good in them. GOD THE MISERY OF IT ALLLLL.

i have an issue.
is it wrong, for girls to want to look good when out in public? i mean, not only do i NOT think its wrong, i think its NEEDED.

when you look good, you feel good. and thats when the confidence in you starts to shine, and people notice that. yes, incase you didnt know, people are able to notice others with confidence.
its in the way you look, the way you walk, and the way you communicate with others.

and when you look good, people treat you differently. im not saying you have to be super beautiful , im just saying you have to look good, look presentable.
when you look good, people will notice you, they will treat you with some ounce of respect.
sometimes, people even get intimidated by you, and i believe thats a good thing. they respect you enough to be able to look up to you.

i could go on and on with this, but i shall stop here for now, cos i gotta go meet a friend.

xoxo,
luby

GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT.

2010-07-02T00:00:00.002+08:00

oh why cant you see me through his eyes,
its too bad you're making me decide.

xoxo,
luby

SLOWLY CREEPING IN

2010-06-30T23:01:00.003+08:00

You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?

You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love enough to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

xoxo,
luby

LUBYLIPS

2010-06-28T12:15:00.004+08:00

i think, going onto my blog gives me a feeling of dread.
i hate my blog, but sure, i thank farah with allllllllllll that i have for taking time off and helping me with the template, love it soo much babygirl.

but then again, i hate my blog. thats why i dont advertise it. and thats why i try to avoid it at all costs.

ive had numerous blogs in the past. and ive been satisfied with all of them, except for this one. lubylips serves as a reminder of what i wanted to achieve at the end of it, and what ive become after everything that ive been through. it pains me sometimes just going to my blog.
it keeps reminding me of the purpose of this blog.

and i know i have to change that.
i have to, but i cant possibly change everything AGAIN, not only will farah kill me, but im lazy to delete and create a new one(yeah, sue me).
so i guess, the only thing i can change is...myself.

i have to change the way i see things, and the way i do things.
i have to remember that things are not how it was before, and that things wil get better each day. it already is :)

on top of that, my birthday is next monday and yeah, im not really looking forward to it.
not anymore..

xoxo,
luby

HELLO YOU

2010-06-07T18:37:00.003+08:00

i know my blog is pretty much dead and no one cares about whatever is here but....whatever.
to be honest, im starting to hate my blog.
why?
it makes me sad.
thats all im sayin.

anyway back to reality, a new module has started. we're doing electronic media now, and i dont know what shit that is but i guess im gonna find out.
today was a waste of time, went to sch late, stayed for an hr and class ended. i swear i thought class would end at like 3ish.
SEKALI 11.30 sia. wtf seriously WHATTHEFUCK.
sidenote: stop swearing so much.

i swear right now, my eyes feel like giving in ANYTIME. i had only 4 fucking hours of sleep.
im fucking tired, my emotions are fucking imbalanced right now, and i am fucking clueless about everything.
EVERYTHING.
oh yeah, i was supposed to quit swearing.
tsk.

GAWWWWWWWWWD why cant life just be fucking simple?!
why cant i go back to the time when everything was so easy, so simple, and the only worry i had was to decide where to go during the weekends.
fuck. this. shit.

and you know what? fuck the fact that i should simmer down on my swearing.
i like to swear. fucking deal with it.

sidenote: ok i can sense some angst going on inside me.
but its ok. i should let it out.
i shoud.
yes i should.
yep i definitely should.

i'd rather be dead.

xoxo,
luby

SOARING HIGH

2010-05-31T23:37:00.003+08:00

i think im doing good.
pretty damn good, actually.

ive cleared my doubts, and finally realised alot of things.

one of which, is, that i jolly well deserve someone worthy.
someone who is able to give me the attention that ive been wanting( no, not in an attention-seeking kinda way) but, well, you know what i mean.

i just got out of a relationship of a year and a half, and ok, i guess the reason of the breakup was abit stupid but hey, shit happens.
and im feeling pretty good actually.

OK NOW ENOUGH OF THIS EMOTIONAL TOPIC.

SOOOO my advertising paper is this friday. how shitty is that, you tell me?
and my dad has been searching for schools for me to do my degree in.
he "suddenly" changed his mind about me taking my degree in MDIS.
i mean yeah thank god for that, but i wonder, why the sudden change of mind eh?
thats my father for you.

going to marine parade library with a friend of mine tomorrow, HOPEFULLY i can get some work done, cos ive not started on ANYTHING yet, and GOD just talking about it makes me depressed bcos i KNOW i cant study with my friend tomorrow. we'd just talk and talk and talk.

i dont know why im talking about my exam when my head is actually thinking about kids.
sigh i must be the most scatter-brained person alive.
why cant i just think about one thing at a time? hmm maybe this is a talent of some sort. to talk about something yet to be thinking about a totally different thing.

=( i cant wait for the day when i actually get married and have kids. my friends are always telling me about how they think i would be the first to get married, and i think its true!
i soo cant wait to settle down and have a nice little home with my husband!
to wake up knowing my husband is right beside me, all smelly looking.

and then to have my kids running into the bedroom and into my arms.
sidenote: im gonna marry, preferably an italian cos then my kids will look extra cute.

oh BTWWW im gonna dye my daughter's hair dark red. HAHA me and iqah have planned soo many things to do with our children! we're gonna dress them up in cute little dresses, no, not cute, PRETTY dresses and put makeup on them!
sometimes me and iqah would jus go into children's stores and pick out clothes for our daughters. and then we would describe the kinda things we want for our daughters.

till it came to a point where we were like, "eh sialah the way we're describing is like we want our daughters to be the bitches in school sia!"

bottomline is, we want our daughters to be the miniature version of ourselves.
dayuuuuuuuuuum then that means they ARE gonna turn out bitchy.
hah.

xoxo,
luby

not again, please, not again.

2010-05-27T00:13:00.002+08:00

i hate it whenever someone mentions your name.

i hate this feeling, it keeps coming back to haunt me. please god, please just let it stop. please.
im begging you.

p.s: its just, one of those days again where i cant keep my emotions under control and just have to cry it out.

god just please, please stop this. im not strong enough.
i feel so weak, so vulnerable, so small.

i cant take this.

xoxo,
luby

how sad

2010-05-22T15:44:00.002+08:00

dayuuuuuum girl, if i were your age, i would have already been married.

xoxo,
luby

2010-05-21T23:46:00.002+08:00

Q: when did you pass your driving babe? it looks so awesome to drive. auto/ manual? :D
A: hehe ya its so awesome! im suprised i can operate a machinery well enough alhamdulillah(hopefully right spelling)! i passed last year on the 29th of december. aiyah auto laaa! manual i die. my dad's reaction when i wanted to take manual was "LUBNA U THINK U SO SMART AH WANNA ACTION TAKE MANUAL!" =p

Q: What's your favorite type of flower?
A: ok im not sure if i accidentally asked myself this question or if someone really posted this to me, but hell, i like roses. or any other flowers that are symbols of love.

the weekend is here! my class for my advertising module ended todayyy but this also means tt my exam is coming sigh. 4th of june. NVM still so far away. 2nd june then can start panicking.
btw, i passed my public relations paper, thank god.

BTW as i mentioned, the weekend is here! this means... my family is gg off to malacca leaving me alone at home with the carrrrrr wooots!
but im not really sure of my plans yet, or who is sleeping over at my place. i know, how sad right. i might probably be stuck alone at home.=( dayyuuummm.

here are some random pictures i took with my baby aisyah. i know, its been such a long time since we last took neoprint pictures, so we decided to take them. and fyi, they cost like 11 dollars now. ridiculous if u ask me.

ok la this isnt a neoprint picture but i love it cos my face looks damn irritating.

OMG i love this picture. i look so korean-japanese-act-cute-WANNABE. lol

btw you know what rly pissed me and aisyah off at the neoprint parlour?(can i call it parlour? lol)
THE FACT THAT THE ADVERTISING PICTURES OF THE GIRLS TAKING NEOPRINTS ARE SO PRETTY AND FLAWLESS.
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TT THEY ARE ABLE TO LOOK LIKE THAT IN NEOPRINTS?
ME AND AISYAH TRIED SO DAMN HARD YET WE COULDNT!!
hmm i bet its photoshop.
tsk cheat my feelings only you know this neoprint people.
(i hope u guys know what im talking about)

i hope i would be taking my degree in mdis. then i can get away from singapore for about 2 months and stay in oklahoma! although yeah sure, oklahoma sounds pretty boring and country-ish but...still.... its still AWAY. but then again, i wanna take my degree at SIM. oh well, i guess i'll just see how everything goes.

sometimes, i feel like im doing okay, then, all it takes is a thought, just one thought to turn my world around and make me feel like im the most useless and worthless person alive.
what am i supposed to do?

xoxo,
luby

EXCRUCIATING

2010-05-17T22:21:00.002+08:00

"...wish you could feel the pain"

all im asking for is a little happiness. nothing more.

xoxo,
luby

outta here.

2010-05-14T22:11:00.004+08:00

these are the pictures from tuesday with hafiz, sarah, kelly and keith :

me and sarah

that's keith

OMG this is fking awesome. my chili crab pasta.

the crazyass hafiz. no, THE FIZ.

sarah's spagetti bolognaise, which u gotta admit, looks a little like vomit.

hafiz and kelly

white blondieeeeeee. sidenote: perfect desert for me, considering how ditzy i can get at times.

kelly and her ginger ale

okay thats all.

anyway, im so excited! my school is gonna be having a we are the world music video, obviously i wouldnt be singing la, i cant sing for nuts.
sidenote: i do sing better than farah though. SERIOUSLY that girl has got NO tone at all. and she doesnt even follow the beat of the song la! anyhow hantam WTF.

zzzzzzzzzzzz i cant think of anything interesting to bitch about.
except for the fact that im gonna have the whole house and the car all TO ME NEXT WEEKEND BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! rly not sure what are my plans yet, but you can BET im gonna think of something up, nyehehehe.

anyway im so frustrated. my school has no hot boys. like, seriously.
i should have just continued in milennia institute. at least the guys there are hot.
but then again, when i think about all the math that i would be doing, PFFT thank god i left that place. but THEN again...the boys there are hot.

sidenote: thinking of chopping my hair off. should iiiiiiii?

p.s: WHY THE FUCK IS T-PAIN CARRYING A SCHOOLBAG IN THE "WE ARE THE WORLD" MUSIC VIDEO? WHY WHY WHY WHYYY!!!

ok gotta go do.........something now =)

xoxo,
luby

Who would have thought?

2010-05-14T13:27:00.000+08:00

I've fallen into you.

a random wednesday evening.

2010-05-13T00:33:00.009+08:00

i cant believe its already 1.40am and im not sleeping.
usually now, for the past few days, i would be in bed as early as 11.30! i know, ive become such a major loser who sleeps before midnight.
but what to do, school makes me so tired =(
besides, there's nothing else for me to do other than sleep.

so anyway, today was well spent.
after school, went to treat sarah to swensons at town.
hafiz came as well, followed by kelly.
bear in mind: next trip to swensons, order the chili crab pasta. its sooo goooooooooood!

after swensons, we all went to chill at cosmo bistro next to wisma. sarah's friend keith joined us shortly after, and oh btw iqah, if you ever do see keith, you're gonna scream at how much he resembles taylor lautner of twilight. HAHAHAHA
i swear, i was thinking about the movie twilight the entire time we were there.

it was a good night. talking and laughing about insignificant things, and not caring about anything else. and well, of course, by 10.45 i was already yawning and started keeping quiet.
see, when im really tired, even when im outside with friends, i just tend to keep quiet and stare blankly. and that is definitely not the time to agitate me. ask my close friends, they know ;)

".....my fault for even thinking you ever could"

sarah enjoying her stickkkkkkkkkkkkk at cosmo

this is KELLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

haiya this wenbin, ALWAYS keep using me and sarah's accessories.
so far, he has tried on sarah's scarf and rings, and my shades(all of them), rings, and bracelet.
WEIRDO. p.s: hi wenbin.

so pretty right! this is the bracelet safiah gave me, from GUESS.

my wheelock buddy :)

my organizer, WHICH btw, ive started writing in.

loveee ittttttt

the usual thats on my side of the table

hafiz, always damn on for school.

my brother and my cousin. the day we all went to ecp.

this was like a month back, on sue's birthday.

this is my "im-angry-and-pissed-because-i-didnt-get-what-i-want" look.

alright gonna turn in already. im so sleepyyyyyyy and its already 2!

note to self: stop being such a fucking loser, and stop writing crap on blog.

ok noted.

note to self: work on filipino accent to kick sarah's ass.

xoxo,

luby

emotionally drained

2010-05-11T23:53:00.003+08:00

this is so hard.
its so damn hard.

for the past few days, ive been fine. going out and about, doing my own things.

but not tonight.
everything suddenly just hit me tonight.

where are you? i need to tell you stories. there are so many things i want to tell you, to share with you. and i know you do too. i just know it.

today is one of those days where i miss you so bad, but i cant do anything about it.

xoxo,
luby

5th of July is coming, ya'll.

2010-05-10T00:02:00.002+08:00

i cant wait for my birthday!
i mean, to be honest, i wasnt this excited for my 18th, and you SHOULD feel excited cos i mean, come on. its your 18TH.

but im exceptionally excited for my birthday this year. im turning 19 ya'llllllllllll!!!
NINETEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN.
you know to be honest, its been about...3 years since i last had a birthday cake for my birthday. i kid you not.
so this year, I AM GOING TO MAKE SURE I GET BIRTHDAY CAKESSSSSSS(yea not just one hehehehehehehehehheheh)

side note: to people who are planning to get me presents but are not sure what to get, stress no more.
i shall give you guys a list of what i want.

presents for my 19th:
1) bags/bracelets/keychains from juicy couture
2) bags/makeup/perfume from victoria's secret
3) makeup from M.A.C
4) bags from Chanel (im gonna make sure my dad gets me this)
5) AIYAH ANYTHING YOU WANT TO GIVE JUST GIVE LA

oh just please, dont give me teddy bears k. im turning 19 ok. not 9. thanks.
HAHAHAHAHAH omg im so fucking thick skinnedddddddddd its unbelievableeeeee.
oh well.
i cant wait for my 19th!

i just hope....it'd be special.

a friend once told me, "dont have hope, but have faith for hope pushes you off a cliff. faith holds you back".
but now i feel like i have to disagree.
you have faith in something, it doesnt happen, isnt that much worse?
for faith IS stronger than hope.
and at the end of the day, it all boils down to the same thing.

..........for both my faith and hope, pushed me off the cliff.

p.s: thank you sooooo much safiah for the bracelet you gave me. i love it! its so pretty, and you're gonna see it on my wrist all the time now :)

xoxo,
luby

those days....

2010-05-09T00:32:00.004+08:00

i dont ask for much.
but my perfect evening, would be to have dinner at fish & co (ive never eaten there before cos i hate fish, but i really want to), and then have ice-cream over at ben&jerry's, and to end it, all cuddled up together on the couch watching a movie.

its so simple yet....its just so sweet.
well, of course, it all depends on who you're with.
no actually...thats the most important thing.

i miss going for dinner dates, miss having butterflies in my stomach whenever im on my way to meeting someone. i miss the feeling of being touched and embraced, and i miss looking at you and thinking i must be the luckiest girl in the world.

xoxo,
luby

i can feel the poison set in.

2010-05-08T14:19:00.003+08:00

here i am, on my bed on a satuday afternoon in a red arab dress, waiting for my parents to finish getting ready so we could all go to a wedding.
totally wasted my time, i could have gotten like 2 hours of sleep more.
but noooo my mum just had to wake me up at 12.30 because "you take three hours just to do your makeup lubna!!!". well i dont really blame her. you have to look GOOD for a WEDDING. its wrong to look OK or NICE. you have to look GOOD.

oh well.
might be heading to arab st again later tonightttt. oh btw, go check out marhaba. hehe thats where i go to now for sheesha at arab st. the sheesha is awesome, way better than nasrin.

anyway i need to talk about something. i was watching justin beiber's music video yesterday night, and then it dawned upon me. ok you see, i always have this thing of linking up someone's face to an animal or a thing. and just so you know, i think i look like a camel so im being fair here and not picking on others.
ok back to this justin bieber guy.

so he doesnt exactly remind me of any particular animal...but he reminds me of jupiter. yeah, you know, the planet jupiter? ok so i dont know how jupiter looks like or anything but DOESNT JUSTIN BEIBER REMIND YOU OF THE PLANET JUPITER???
its like, when i look at him, i think of jupiter and it somehow MATCHES.

at first i thought justin looked like satan, as in the devil satan, and i thought thats how all devils look like, but then jupiter came to my mind and.....DAYUM I AM SO SMART! JUSTIN BEIBER IS A CROSS BETWEEN SATAN AND JUPITER.
hmmm he can be both actually.
oh and please, i dont hate justin. i LIKE his music, i sing to baby all the time!
but im just talking about what his face reminds me of.

so now im at a loss. if he looks like jupiter or the devil satan.
i mean, at the beginning of this post i was so adamant about the fact that he looks like jupiter. then halfway through the post i decided he looks like satan and jupiter.
shit la.
so stress ok now.

but i have to come up with an ending or else there isnt any point to this post and i might just go crazy thinking if he looks like jupiter or satan!!

ok im going to stick with jupiter.
JUSTIN BIEBER LOOKS LIKE THE PLANET JUPITER.

SEE????? I KNOW YOU'RE THINKING OF JUPITER RIGHT NOW!!!

xoxo,
luby